His Butler, Biting Back
by Incoming-Duck-Fiend
Summary: Ciel wants to go vampire hunting. Rated T just in case. This story now contains the Fullmetal Alchemist.
1. Chapter 1

So, yeah. This is my first fanfiction, so please be gentle with me.

I do not own Kuroshitsuji or Vampire Knight, and if i did there would be a lot more yaoi (maybe).

Please enjoy the fic.

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Sebastian gazed amusedly at the mansion located near the Phantomhive residence. A small, sadistic smile crawled upon his pale lips as he caught a whiff of the warm summer air. He recognized the sweet smell almost immediately.

"Vampires," he purred under his breath as he gracefully poured hot tea into an exquisite teacup.

Ciel's blue eye watched Sebastian closely as he did this.

"What did you say?" he asked, looking up at the butler with a bored expression. He had his cheek propped up by his arm which was resting against the top of his large desk covered in annoying paperwork.

"Hmm?" Sebastian looked down at his young master, his eyes glinting with a crimson sheen.

The boy took a small sip of his tea before placing it back down upon its saucer. He laced his fingers and placed his chin upon them. "Don't 'hmm' me. I heard you say something, Sebastian. Tell me."

Sebastian smiled. "It appears you have plenty of paperwork to complete, so do not worry over my silly trifles."

"Sebastian, don't make me 'beg'."

The butler sighed. It was clear he was not getting around this one, besides, kids were always curious, and Ciel was the worst when his interest spiked.

"It appears you have new neighbors moving into the mansion beyond the forest."

Ciel picked up one folder in particular from the mess on his desk and flipped through its pages, pretending not to be interested in Sebastian's words.

"Yes, the Kuran family is staying for the next few weeks to escape from the busy city."

"Oh, I see you've done your homework," Sebastian praised, bending down so his face was precariously close to Ciel's.

Ciel stared calmly into Sebastian's eyes, his cold demeanor surprising even Sebastian.

"I like to pretend I know everything about all noble families, Sebastian. I never know when I will find my next chess piece amongst them."

Sebastian pretended to be hurt by his young master's words. "But I thought I was the only chess piece you needed." Sebastian leaned closer to Ciel's cold face, black and blue-grey hair mingling as their faces almost touched. "Are you trying to make me jealous?"

Ciel shoved Sebastian's playful face away from his, a wicked grin appearing on his own. "Maybe I am. I hear Kaname Kuran and his household are capable people. They might provide me with some entertainment . . . at least for a while, anyway."

Sebastian's eyes darkened. "I must admit, vampires are quiet capable beasts, but they cannot be bound by contract like me. It will be quite hard for you to convince them to join your game of chess for they are very inflexible."

The surprised look on Ciel's face amused the butler to his dark core.

"Vampires you say," Ciel muttered.

"Yes," Sebastian said, walking over to Ciel's window and closing it. "They are quite beautiful creatures, untouched by the passing of time but extremely hard to kill."

Something inside Ciel clicked, sending a dark, electrifying sensation rushing up his spin. The youth's smile stretched from ear to ear as he bent his head so Sebastian could not see his face. His shoulders shook slightly as he began to giggle incessantly.

"Vampires, huh," Ciel said, his tone dark and foreboding. "I've been waiting for a fun game to come along, and it looks as if it has finally arrived."

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Please comment/ review

Flames are welcome if they have a reason behind them.

Thanks for reading my story, and i will make sure to upload as frequently as possible.

Oh, and sorry for errors if there are any.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much TheSneakyHobo for being the first one to read my story! I'm really glad you liked it, and i'm updating just for you!

Sorry that i use really big words in my story( well, i think they're big words), i was going to say this in my first chapter. I wrote this fic for my friend who is really smart, so i didn't want to seem dumb. But maybe using big words proves just the opposite . . .

well, whatever. On with the story. This chapter is pretty short, sorry for that! I have about four chapters already written, so updates should be pretty fast.

I do not own Kuroshitsuji or Vampire knight (dang!).

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Kaname Kuran stepped out of the carriage, running a pale hand through his mass of luscious brown curls. He was quickly followed by a young girl who shared his hair color, but instead her hair was nearly down past her hips.

She smiled joyfully up at the sun. Despite being a vampire, Yuki loved to play around in the sunshine. It was the only time when she felt most human. She pranced around for a few minutes, staring at the garden and the gorgeous flowers.

"Yuki, please stay by my side," Kaname said, putting a hand on his hip and staring after the carefree girl. Even though his tone was serious he couldn't help but feel happiness at seeing Yuki's joyful face.

"Ugh," Yuki groaned." I want to go play in the forest and explore."

"At least wait until Kiryu comes, then you can amuse yourself while he plays bodyguard. That way if a bear come along, he can cause a distraction and get eaten and you can run,"

Kaname said, leaning up against the mansion's brick wall.

Yuki jutted out her bottom lip in a pout. "Okay," she sobbed. "But wasn't it a little bit harsh making Zero run all the way here behind the carriage?"

Kaname smiled down at Yuki. "Not in the least, besides, it didn't take him long to get here."

The two siblings stared down the dirt road they had traveled down in the carriage. They spotted a shape slowly growing closer. It didn't take long for them to hear the heavy pants and curses of the one approaching them.

"Damn, pureblood . . . I'm . . . going to . . . kill you," Zero heaved, practically dying from exhaustion.

"Good luck with that," Kaname mumbled under his breath, trying to hold back the laughter that was crawling up his throat.

"Oh, Zero!" Yuki exclaimed, rushing towards the dying vampire. "Are you okay? Speak to me! Are you dead?"

"I'm not dead, you idiot," Zero growled, falling onto the ground huffing.

Yuki's worried frown turned upside down. "Okay, that means you can come with me to explore the forest." With those words, she rushed into the forest, a huge smile plastered onto her blushing face.

Zero stood up slowly and approached Kaname who was draped in comforting shadows. "Why don't you go play with your sister," he snarled.

Kaname looked at him with tired eyes. "I just traveled a great distance, Kiryu. I'm tired and have work I need to do. I'm afraid I don't have time to play."

"You hypocrite," Zero said resting his head against the cold wall and staring at Yuki who was merrily playing with a butterfly she had spotted.

"She's adorable, isn't she," Kaname said, his own red eyes following Yuki's thin form around.

Zero didn't bother to answer.

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Thanks for reading!

Comment/review!


	3. Chapter 3

This is really important! I have rewritten my chapter 4, but since i have no idea how to work this suff, it is at the end of the chapter list, so please select it after you read this chapter!

I'm sorry!

I do not own VAmpire Knight or Kuroshitsuji!

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Finny stared at the scene before him with confused eyes. He placed his finger on his lip and titled his head slightly to the right. "Mr. Sebastian, what is young master doing?"

Ciel, at the moment, was standing on the kitchen counters, peering through the various cupboards. He picked up a can of spice and read the label. He grunted in annoyance when he saw it was not he one he wanted and threw it over his shoulder.

"I'm afraid I would only confuse you more if I told you, Finnian," Sebastian said, deeply amused. It was not every day that Ciel came into the kitchen, in fact, it was more like never.

"Sebastian," Ciel yelled. "I cannot find the damn garlic! Where is it?"

"Garlic?" Finny wondered, but before he could think farther, Sebastian pushed him aside.

"I think it would be best if you left," Sebastian said, smiling down at his fellow servant. "Why don't you go find some work out in the garden?"

"Mmm, okay."

Finny quickly left the kitchen. He skipped down the hall to find something to do. He could still hear the young master throwing things around the kitchen.

"No, Sebastian! I don't want oregano! I want garlic, you dumb demon! Lift me up so I can look into the top cupboards again!"

Finny kept on smiling as he continued to walk out of the house, hardly noticing that Ciel had given away a huge secret during his childish ranting.

He burst through the servant doors, inhaling a huge breath of sweet, clean air. Whenever he first woke every morning he would always go outside and take in the morning air, just to make sure that he was not locked up in that horrible laboratory.

"Huh?" Finny asked looking down as his feet touched something lying on the grass before him. A strange metallic object was gleaming in the sunlight, catching Finny's blue eyes. "What is this?" He picked up the large item that, to any other human being, would have weighed too much for them to simply pick up.

Suddenly a red bird fluttered across the blue sky, distracting Finny's big, bright eyes.

"Little birdie!" he exclaimed, running after the tiny animal, his arms flailing like wings with the strange metallic device in his hand.

The bird fluttered into the forest with the gardener right behind it. Trees were hardly an obstacle to the boy, and he did not have to doge them as he chased after the 'little birdie'. In fact, the trees were uprooted as he ran past them.

†

"What the hell was that?" Zero asked.

Yuki and Zero were bent over a small stream they had discovered, when, all of a sudden, something had run past them, screaming strange words.

"Maybe it was a bear," Yuki said. "Kaname told me what to do if this situation occurred!"

Zero stared at the female pureblood in front of him, almost too afraid to ask. "What did he say?"

"You get eaten by the bear wile I run!" Yuki chirped, smiling.

"Typical . . . stupid, pureblood."

†

The red bird fluttered higher into the sky as it spotted Finnian almost upon its feathered wings.

"Little birdie, come back!" he wailed into the air. Tears gathered up into his eyes but he quickly wiped them away. Now wasn't the time to be chasing after birds, anyway. He needed to follow Mr. Sebastian's orders and clean up the garden.

But . . . Where was the garden?

He gazed around and noticed he was standing in front of a strange mansion he had never set eyes upon.

Unaware, Finny placed his finger upon a trigger connected to the metal device. A sudden surge of fire shot out towards the ground a few feet away from Finny's feet.

"Agh!" he screamed, again waving his arms around.

The fire consumed the floral as the metal device was pointed at it. Finny, still shocked by the sudden appearance of fire, accidentally pointed it towards the unknown mansion in a desperate attempt to turn it off. The house quickly caught fire and was spreading faster with every bat of Finny's large eyelashes.

"I," he stuttered. "I DIDN'T DO IT! Sebastian, I didn't do it!"

†

Sebastian watched as the silver cross bounced up and down upon Ciel's chest as he walked through the forest, his red eyes gleaming with curiosity. Not only was the fact that Ciel was wearing a cross amusing , it was his master's entire outfit. Ciel wore all black, which was a strange color for a child, and was adorned with several interesting equipments, not to mention the large hunting gun that he held in his hands.

"Do you have a problem, Sebastian?" Ciel asked stopping and looking up at his butler.

"Not at all," Sebastian answered. "But . . . is this all really necessary?"

Ciel rested the gun against his leg and pulled out a small book from his pocket. He quickly flipped through its pages. "According to the writing of Bram Stoker, it is all quite necessary." Ciel put the book back in is pocket and removed what looked like a vial of water. "Holy water, a stake, silver bullets, and garlic are all weapons that can be used against vampires, or at least, that is what he writes about. I also carry other items I find necessary."

"Interesting," Sebastian said. He plucked the holy water out of Ciel's grasp and looked at it. "I know you love games, younger master, but isn't this a little . . . extreme?"

Ciel smirked. "How is it extreme? All I am doing is hunting down a few stray animals." He picked up the gun and continued to walk into the forest that bordered his mansion.

"Yes, but"—Sebastian steadied Ciel as he tripped over a root—"many of your people believe the Kuran family to be high-standing nobles. What you are about to do is called murder."

"Don't ruin all the fun," Ciel snapped, slapping away Sebastian's hand. "I call it hunting. Besides, if the Queen found out about the Kuran family she would immediately ask for their extermination. She wouldn't dare risk another outbreak of their kind onto her holy land . . . Oh, and while we our hunting, I do not want you killing all of them, Sebastian. I will tell you when I need assistance."

Sebastian sighed. "Yes, but . . . are you sure you can kill someone with a human face like your own, even if beneath they are only monsters?"

Ciel paused for a moment. His small hands started to shake and turn white as he gripped the hunting gun harder. "I . . ." Ciel began but seemed unable to finish.

"Well,"—Sebastian grinned—"you better make up your mind fast."

Ciel looked up in surprise as he heard a girl's laughter echo through the trees. His mind quickly brought up a picture of his fiancée, Elizabeth, but the person who came into his sight was definitely not her.

"Come find me, Zero!" the girl squealed. She picked up her long dress skirt and began to run in the opposite direction, but she stopped when she spotted Ciel and Sebastian. Her crimson eyes inspected them quickly, and then she smiled at them. She pressed a finger to her thin lips, giggling. "Shh, I'm hiding."

Ciel blinked once at the girl then looked up at Sebastian. "Is she a . . . is this girl one?"

Sebastian nodded his head slowly, his lips twitching up into a cunning smile.

The young master's hand still shook, and he gulped as he saw the girl approach them. She was beautiful, that was the first thing that popped into Ciel's mind. Her long flowing hair blew gracefully in the wind, her small pale ankles that shown when she ran made him blush, and her enthusiastic, smiling face made his heart skip a beat.

The vampire girl was standing right before Ciel. She was at least a head taller then he was, but she crouched down so she could hide behind his back. Ciel tensed as she put a hand on his shoulder.

Even through the cloth he could feel the coldness and dark aura that pulsed off her skin.

"Don't touch me!" he screamed, pushing the girl away from him harshly.

Yuki was sent sprawling onto the ground at Ciel's sudden shove. She winced as she scraped her palms against hard stone. Looking up, her eyes widened as she stared into the barrel of a shaking gun.

"Yuki! Where are you? Don't run off without me!"

"Zero . . ." Ciel heard Yuki mumbled under her breath.

"How many more of your kind is there?" Ciel asked bitterly towards the girl.

"'My kind?'" Yuki said. "I don't understand what you mean."

Ciel thrust the gun into the girl's face. "Answer me!"

"Master," Sebastian tried to intercede.

"Shut up, Sebastian!" Ciel growled.

At that moment a young man walked into the clearing. His grey hair shown white in the sunlight and his pale features looked even paler from the black clothes he was wearing. His lilac eyes shot between Ciel and Yuki, wide and alert. "What's going on?"

"Zero!" Yuki cried. She tried to scramble up, but her movements just frightened the paranoid Ciel who immediately went for the trigger of his gun.

Zero noticed Ciel's shaky motions and quickly ran towards him, almost too fast for Ciel's one blue eye to see.

Ciel was about to remove his gun off Yuki to point at Zero, but stopped himself. "Sebastian!"

Sebastian, who had been standing on the sidelines watching, grinned. "Yes, my lord."

†

Zero felt the pain of the kick before he saw the person who delivered it. His eyes spied blue sky and twigs as he was sent into the branches of a large tree. He desperately clung to a thick branch before he could fall the long way to the hard forest ground.

"My, my," Zero heard someone say. "You are much weaker than the vampires I remember fighting."

Zero winced as someone grabbed his hair and forced his head up. As he opened his purple eyes he found a pair of crimson eyes staring back. A cold feeling shot through him like a gust of harsh winter wind tearing at his skin.

"Who are you?" Zero asked.

Sebastian smiled down at the vampire. "I am one hell of a butler . . . and you are very interesting. But," Sebastian said, leaning in close towards Zero's pained face, "my master says I can not kill you without his vocal consent."

Zero growled and lashed out at Sebastian with his fist. Sebastian easily dodged the blow and pranced gracefully back and onto the branch further down. Zero stood up, feeling slightly unsteady on the thin tree limb. He faced Sebastian with cold purple eyes that were slowly changing to red. His eyes shot down towards Ciel who still had the gun pointed at Yuki. It pained him to see Yuki whimpering on the ground.

"What do you want with us?" Zero asked, falling upon negotiation to get himself and Yuki out of this trouble.

"I do not want anything with you," Sebastian said nonchalantly. "But my master on the other hand wishes to hunt you. Quite a horrible mess we are in, isn't it?"

Zero raised his chin. "Your master seems more like a scared little kid than a hunter. You should take that gun away from him before he shoots himself."

"Yes, that would be very unfortunate. But I'm afraid he is quite hot headed and will not give up until the hunt is finished." Sebastian looked down at Ciel with an indescribable emotion set upon his face.

Zero took that chance to jump from the tree and towards Ciel. He knocked the shaking gun out of Ciel's grasp and sent it flying into the ferns.

"Agh!" Ciel stared at his empty hands in astonishment and slowly realized he was now weaponless. He quickly walked away from the girl who was still only staring at him.

"Sebastian . . . Sebastian," he mumbled confused, his eye widening and his lanky limbs shaking uncontrollably.

Zero crouched protectively over Yuki's trembling form, shielding her from whatever the two strangers could do. He watched carefully as Sebastian landed besides Ciel and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, caressing the boy's smooth hair, whispering something in his ears. Sebastian placed his large hand over Ciel's blue eye, shielding it from the light, and slowly the boy began to calm down.

"Oh, dear, Yuki, have you been causing trouble?" someone said from the shadow of a large pine tree. "How many times do I have to tell you to introduce yourself before you start picking on strangers?" Kaname walked slowly out of the shadows, black smudges on his face and white shirt.

"Kaname-sama!" Yuki wailed from behind Zero.

She quickly scrambled towards Kaname who let her embrace him. "Are you okay, Yuki?

You are as pale as a ghost. Kiryu, what did you let happen to her?"

Zero just stared at Kaname, defiance in his eyes.

Kaname's own red eyes traveled over to Ciel and Sebastian who were in a similar embrace. "Ciel Phantomhive I presume."

Ciel raised Sebastian's hand away from his eye and took in Kaname. "And you must be Kaname Kuran, a vampire." Ciel looked at Kaname's dirty clothes with disgust. "You're not what I expected."

Kaname smiled at his fellow noble. "Well, that is because some idiot burned down my house."

"What?" Yuki asked.

"The house has been reduced to ashes, sadly, and I watched a young boy run away while it burned." Kaname pulled something out from behind his back. It was a flame thrower and one both Ciel and Sebastian recognized.

Dammit, Bard, didn't I tell you not to leave your equipment lying around, Sebastian growled inside his head.

"How unfortunate," Ciel mumbled.

"Yes," Kaname said in return. "But it seems you have a large mansion not far from here . . ."

"What are you getting at, vampire?" Ciel asked.

"As I arrived here, it looked as if you had assaulted my dear fiancé, Mr. Phantomhive. How would the rest of the nobles look at you if I told them that?" (INCEST! BAD!)

Ciel's eye darkened. "Are you trying to blackmail me?"

"Yes," Kaname said. "If you don't let us hold residence at your house, I will have no choice but to spread around what happened here."

Ciel pondered over the thought for a moment. He certainly wasn't in a good situation, but it wasn't entirely bad.

"Fine."

†

"Ciel~!"

Ciel Phantomhive looked on with horror as a young girl with blonde curls rushed towards him. He was absorbed in orange colored fabric as his fiancé embraced him.

"I was waiting all day for you, Ciel! Where were you?" the girl cried out, rubbing her face against the young boy's.

"Elizabeth! You weren't supposed to arrive here for another week," Ciel said, trying to push the young girl off of him.

Elizabeth's eyes gleamed as she stared at Ciel's face. "Call me Lizzy! And I just couldn't wait to see you—" She stopped as she noticed the long line of people behind her future husband. "Who are these people?"

Kaname pushed Ciel aside and took Elizabeth's fingers in his own. "It is an honor to me you." (OMG "Kaname is putting the moves on Lizzy")

Lizzy caught a quick glance of the ring on the man's finger and blushed. "Ah, the Kuran family," she squeaked and quickly curtsied.

Ciel stared on with malice at Kaname's flirtation's and Elizabeth's easy acquiescence.

"Enough, Lizzy," Ciel said breaking in-between the two. "Please return to your room, it is getting late. Sebastian, escort Elizabeth—."

"We would also like to be escorted to our rooms, Phantomhive," Kaname said leaning over the small boy.

A small smile crept upon Ciel's lips. "Yes, I was getting to that. Sebastian, escort the Kurans and their companion to the servant quarters."

". . ." (Kaname's mind: Say what? Oh, no he didn't)

"What? Ciel, you cannot have the Kurans sleeping with the servants!" Elizabeth cried out.

Ciel slashed his hand through the air, silencing Elizabeth. "I am the head of the family and the lord of this house. I will have my guests' sleep wherever I wish. And as for them, they will sleep where they belong to sleep." He yawned, motioning to Sebastian.

"Wait, Ciel!" Lizzy cried out as Sebastian stepped towards Kaname. She ran forward, taking the pale hand of Yuki Cross in her own. "If you will not let them sleep in proper sleeping quarters, then I will let them sleep with me in my own!"

Ciel eyes widened and he blushed as he thought of a man, besides himself, sleeping in Lizzy's room, much less, in her bed! "I will not hear of that Elizabeth! However, I shall permit Yuki Cross to share your room, but that is it. The rest will sleep with Finny and Bard. Sebastian!"

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**REMEMBER to go to the end of the chapter list and select chapter 4, because i fail at this.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 5

"Greetings!" someone yelled in a cheerful voice. "Oooh, what are we doing here? Can I join?"

Meanwhile . . . across the mansion and inside Lizzy's room, terrible, terrible things were happening. And by terrible I mean something dreadful and positively appalling was playing out!

. . .

Let's just say that a hungry Yuuki + an innocent Lizzy, who—to the ravenous Yuuki—looks quite tasty = a terrible incident.

But I'm just beating around the bush here. Let us peek into Lizzy's room—without Ciel's knowledge—and witness the happenings of something terribly awful.

Since there was only one bed in Lizzy's spacious room, the young girl had to share it with the young vampire, which didn't bother either of them. Lizzy was happy to help and Yuuki was too outgoing and caring to refuse Lizzy's offer.

Though, she did worry about Zero and Kaname-sama, and knew it would bother her for the rest of the night. She would make sure to ask Ciel if he would please allow them to sleep in better rooms.

Things had grown quiet in the room, and Yuuki could hear the quiet snoring of Lizzy. She smiled slightly and shut her own scarlet eyes in an attempt to drift off.

That's when it hit her, like a punch to the stomach. Hunger! An unbelievable desire for what all hungry vampires crave: BLOOD!

She curled into a little ball on the bed as her stomach flipped with desire. She could smell BLOOD only a few feet away from her; could hear the flow of BLOOD through blue veins; and hear the pounding of heart full of BLOOD.

Next thing she knew, the deed was done! She had done something truly terrible.

Feeling the warmth of BLOOD dripping down her chin, she stared at a now fully awaken Lizzy.

Elizabeth Middleford was holding her neck and had a stricken look on pale face and was unable to talk, runaway, or even move.

But, honestly, who could blame her for being shocked? Waking up to a pestering younger brother/sister, or loud noise which you swear was a gunshot, or even the sound of someone sneaking into your room isn't as bad as waking up to someone sucking the life juice out of you. Because sneaking into someone's room, shooting a gun, or waking up your older sibling just to be annoying is quite normal for the species which is called Homo sapiens. Unfortunately, sucking blood to regain energy and shut up your gurgling stomach is not something normal human beings do, and, in fact, is a horrible way to be woken up. *This here ends rant one*

So Lizzy had all the right to be rooted where she was, unable to run or scream to her fiancée, who, most of us know, probably wouldn't be able to do anything, because Ciel is just Ciel. And, for goodness sakes, hired a demon to do everything for him so he didn't have to. Who wouldn't want a sexy Sebastian doing everything one commanded him to do? (I would most likely order him to write this fan fiction for me, and it most likely would come out better.)

Cough. But we are not here to discuss the sexiness of demons or Ciel Phantomhive. We are here writing/reading this particular chapter of fan fiction to discover the terribly awful, disastrous event that has taken place in the Phantomhive mansion.

All who have read Hino Matsuri's fabulously wonderful manga Vampire Knight know that one bitten by a pureblood vampire will transform into a vampire themselves. And since Yuuki was a pureblood vampire (if you have not read all of Vampire knight, and had not yet discovered the fact that Yuuki was a pureblood vampire and related to Kaname, then I am afraid to tell you that you have just found out . . . sorry . . .) Elizabeth Middleford was now the newest vampire on the face of the earth, in less, of course, another pureblood vampire was having fun and biting someone else on the neck. *rant two FIN*

Well, Lizzy, welcome to the family.

The vampire family.

Hopefully Ciel doesn't have a sudden urge to search for garlic, grab a stake, and command Sebastian to hold you down.

But, then again, you probably have hugged, glomped, and ruined Ciel's master plans one too many times before.

Run like hell, Lizzy. Run like hell.

And then keep on running, because you're going to need it if you are planning to survive an attack by Sebastian.

Don't worry, dearest Lizzy, I'll give you a ten second head start.

Finished at ,.m.q 12:21 p.m., which I find oddly amusing . . .


	5. Chapter 6

Hello, and welcome to another random chapter, if you can even call 700 words a chapter.

I guess people kind of liked my weird writing style, so I used it here again, though it isn't my best. But hopefully it makes you laugh a bit, even if it is only at my horrible writing skills.

Well, thank you very much for reading and reviewing. Your words are in a very special part of my heart, or at least everywhere that isn't filled with love for Alfons Heidrich (cookies for anyone who knows who he is)

Oh, and thank you, Caitlin, for reading my fanfiction, even though you, yourself, are busy writing.

I better stop talking. I do not own Vampire Knight or Kuroshitsuji.

Okay, now where were we?

Oh, yes, we were in Tanaka's room watching like perverts as Kaname and Zero were themselves being perverts. Or at least Kaname was. Zero was just helplessly trapped underneath him, dreaming of the day he was once human.

Anywho, the mood was ruined when someone happily barged into the room:

"Greetings!" that someone yelled in a cheerful voice. "Oooh, what are we doing here? Can I join?"

Zero and Kaname were frozen as they watched a young blonde tango towards them.

But, seriously, who could blame them? I mean . . . Never mind, I won't get into that again.

The small and tall young blonde stopped before them, inspecting the vampire duo with bright blue eyes. He then leaned forward and . . . wait, did he just lick Kaname-sama's cheek!

Cough, yes he did.

Kaname was pulled out of his trance of surprise when he felt the Blonde's wet, hot tongue move along his jaw. His eyes blazed red, but not for the reason they had so earlier, he was—excuse the simple word—_pissed_ beyond words.

No one licked him! He was the master of all vampires, the top of the food chain, the big cheese, the lord of all that is holy (second thought, it would probably be everything unholy). _He_ could lick people whenever _he_ wanted, but no one licked _him_ without _his_ vocal consent! For Christ's sake, he wasn't a Popsicle!

"Mmm, you taste good," the blonde boy purred. "Can I taste you again?"

*Fangirl moment: How many licks does it take to get to Kaname's center? Hmm, I wonder.*

That did it.

He snapped.

And since he was pissed beyond words, he could only express his feelings in one way: violence. Even though we all know violence doesn't solve anything blah blah blah. It still feels damn good to see your enemy writhing on the floor in physical pain after you bitch-slapped them a good number of times.

Kaname raised his hand to strike (If you see a Alois—for in fact the blonde boy in this chapter is indeed the lord coughslutcough Alois Trancy—walking down the street, and he happens to piss you off, do not try to slap him. This slap stunt is done by a professional, so please do not try this at home.)

Kaname's hand was stopped only an inch away from Alois' smirking face. Kaname looked up to see a yellow-eyed butler staring down at him, holding his wrist in an iron clasp.

"This was fun," Alois smirked, his face dark, "but it seems we have overpaid our visit here, huh, Claude?" He turned his head to look at Zero. "Too bad I didn't get to taste you, but I'll be back. Bye-bye."

The vampires watched as the mysterious duo left the room, Alois singing happily about paying a visit to Ciel's room next. Poor Ciel, since he only wears an easy access white shirt to bed.

"What the hell is up with the butlers around here?" the pureblood asked, watching the empty doorway.

"They are weird," Zero answered, squirming beneath Kaname. He thought back to his fight with Sebastian.

"You're my butler, so why don't you have any superhuman qualities like strength and ultra-sexiness?" Kaname said to zero, who had finally managed to crawl out from under him.

"You tryin' to pick a fight! I'm a vampire! So I do have superhuman strength! And I believe I am quite . . . good looking. Besides that butler looked like a nerd to me, and it wasn't just because of his glasses. And when the hell did I become your butler, Kuran?"

Kaname decided to take the fifth and not answer the last question. "I don't know what it is, but something is off about them. And by the way Sebastian didn't follow my orders tells me they aren't vampires."

"So then what are they?" Zero asked, yawning and stretching. He had distanced himself from Kaname, not wanting to go through what had happened earlier. Not because he hadn't enjoyed it, but because Kaname was like a girl, saying yes when he meant no, being hot and then cold, in and then out (whatever that meant), and acting very unpredictable. Or maybe he was just being bipolar? Well, whatever. It was pretty much the same thing.

"I don't know. But I plan to find out."

"Great," Sebastian said as he walked into the room, "You're both awake. Then let us start preparing for breakfast."

Once more, the vampires were both stunned. Was it really that early?

Unfortunately, it was, and both vampires were now going to enter another kind of hell: the kitchen. And they would be under Sebastian's watchful stare. Speaking of stares, Zero was giving Kaname the Why-the-hell-did-you-keep-me-up-so-late-you-bastard-and-while-I'm-blaming-you-I'm-going-to-blame-you-for-everyhing-that-has-happened-so-far-because-you-are-such-a *bleep*.

Alright, enough ranting time for Kiryu.

I'll give you both some good luck (even though you guys don't deserve it), since neither of you have actually cooked before, you lazy bastards.

But, then again, they probably have other things they have to do. Like hunt vampires even though they happen to be a vampire, protect their younger sister (?) who seems to be a magnet for trouble, and ward off curious teenagers.

Well, only one has to ward off curious teenagers. Unless, he himself becomes a curious teenager lead by an army of ravenous, revengeful, raging hormones. And if that does happen, then Kaname will have to watch his back . . . And front.

You know what, he'll probably have to watch every part of him.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed.

If you haven't noticed, and I don't know why you would have, I happen to believe Claude is a nerd. I mean, come on, he tap danced! Oh, and I'm not calling people who tap dance nerdy, just him. I'm only letting him live it down because he epically set the table afterwards. So yeah.

Please review!

Sorry for grammar mess ups and such. Ha ha . . .


	6. Chapter 7

Welcome to yet another chapter of fanfiction.

This one is rather short, but I hope the next one will be a bit longer.

Thanks for reviewing TheSneakyHobo, ANIM3, and of course you Ciel. I love hearing what you have to say, and I hope I can keep you guys as fans until the very end. And thank yous also go out to everyone who has taken the time to read the weirdness that I have created.

**I do not own vampire knight of kuroshitsuji!**

Saying the kitchen is like hell would be, to some people, a lie. But to the vampires, saying it was like the burning fires of the place they might one day be calling their eternal home, was a huge understatement.

And Sebastian was the devil in charge.

Anyone in their right mind, at that point, would find a quiet corner in which they could curl up in the fetal position and mumble calm, soothing, insane words to themselves until Sebastian sighed and walked away from them.

Unfortunately for the vampires, every corner was either full of some sort of cooking device or held sharp instruments that looked like they could be used for torture. Painful, painful torture.

So, the vampires were stuck in a rather sticky situation.

Literally.

"What is this stuff?" Zero growled, looking at his hands which were covered in brown, slimy liquid.

Sebastian sighed. "That would molasses. Now, if you would please refrain from touching everything that catches your eye . . . That goes for you too, Kaname."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kaname said, mockingly. He was playing with an egg beater, twirling the handle and watching the wires twirl. He was quite tempted to attack Zero with it.

"The young master usually likes . . ."

But Kaname and Zero were not listening to Sebastian's words. They were both staring at him intently. Watching his every move and searching for something that could give a hint to his true nature.

Well, Kaname was at least. Zero was playing with several knives he had found, tossing them in his hands with a smile on his face.

The pureblood growled in annoyance. "Give me that," he snarled at Zero, snatching the biggest knife Zero was juggling.

Now, we all know knives are dangerous. And when I say dangerous, I mean that they can harm you. And when I say harm you, I mean possibly cut off one of your appendages, stab you somewhere very unpleasant, and kill you. Yes children, kill you. So we all know that we are not supposed to play with knives—yeah, I'm talking to you, Zero—and not to point them at anyone, or throw them at anyone.

Kaname tested the knife in his hand, raised it, pointed it at the back of Sebastian's head, and threw it.

What did I just say, Kaname? Fine, don't listen to me!

The knife shimmered in the morning light, sailing straight towards the back of Sebastian's gorgeous head.

And that is where it sunk with a revolting squishing sound.

In fact, it sounded a lot like the way annoying siblings eat their cereal in the morning. Opening their mouths wide just so you can see the disgusting goop squirming in their mouths, closing their jaws so the mush creates a noise that could quite possible drive you insane, and then repeating the process until the whole bowl of cereal is gone. Or, quite possibly, the way the secretary at your school chews her gum, smiles at you with her overly white teeth, and then continues chewing like a mad cow.

_Thunk, squish, agh, boom, bang. _That was the sound of Sebastian dying. Not very dramatic, but there you have it, folks.

**Hope you enjoyed the rather short thing I call a chapter.**

The ending was weird . . .

Please review if you have the time. Thank You!


	7. Chapter 8

Welcome to another chapter! I actually wrote it. I don't think I would have written it if I didn't have homework . . . I'm trying to give excuses why I shouldn't do my homework.

For instance: People are dying to read my story, so I must write the next chapter. Anything for the fans!

Of course no one is dying to read this fanfiction, and I should get back to doing homework, because there is less than a week to do it.

Oh dear . . .

Anways, thank you for reading and reviewing. And prepare yourself for horrible writing!

Oh, and I should probably say this beforehand so I don't crate new enemies that love Zero-Kun. I love Zero, and I truly believe he is one of the best characters in VK. So don't go thinking I hate him just because of how I depict him in this chapter, He's OOC! Don't kill me!

**I do not own Vampire Knight, Kuroshitsuji, or Resident Evil 4. **

"Stay calm, Kuran. Stay calm. You only murdered someone, no big deal . . . Well, that's what I would say if the person you had killed was anyone other than Ciel Phantomhive's Butler! What the hell did you just do?"

Both vampires were hovering over Sebastian's motionless corpse, staring down at the bundle of black clothes and dead demon.

"I'm not falling for this," Kaname mumbled. "He's obviously just faking it."

"Yeah, of course. He only has a knife sticking out of the back of his head. Sure, he's faking it!"

"Shut up, Kiryu," Kaname hissed, losing his cool. "Wake up, Butler." He gently nudged the corpse. "I said wake up!" He grabbed the knife and pulled it out of Sebastian's head. A large spurt of blood followed the knife up and covered Kaname like a bad horror movie effect.

"Shit," Kaname said. "He's dead."

The vampires spent the next several seconds in silence and contemplating the universe; both of them too stunned to speak. But all moments of stunned surprise and deep insight fade away eventually, and it's quite amusing to watch.

Zero took a giant leap away from Kaname. "I don't know you. I swear to God, I don't know this man!"

"What the hell are you babbling about?"

"Don't talk to me, Kuran. If someone is going to get blamed for murder, it's you. And what did I just say: I don't know you! Someone help! Murderer!"

Kaname quickly tackled Zero to the ground before he could scream louder. He covered his mouth with a pale hand. Zero struggled beneath him and started to reach for the gun he always kept on his persons.

"Stop, you imbecile!" Kaname snarled. "We can get away with this, we just need to think."

In times of great stress after you accidently murder someone, the brain is turned to overload mode, which is the state when constant, sometimes meaningless information is poured into the brain. First thoughts usually include: Oh my god I just killed someone, what the F should I do next, wait a second, what did I eat for dinner last night, oh yeah nothing, OH MY GOD, I just killed someone, and my stomach just growled quite loudly.

Next, you think about what just happened as scientifically as possible after you've cooled off, and come up with a plausible story you can spew to the coppers as soon as someone in their right mind thinks about calling them.

Of course, no one really calls the cops after they accidently murder someone, because that wouldn't be exciting, and wouldn't get you the ratings you want.

No, instead, they waste the next minutes of their lives figuring out how to dispose of the body. Which was exactly what Kaname was doing; Zero was playing with Sebastian's tail coat, intrigued. But I am in no way saying Zero is slow and incapable of thinking. No, in fact, he had the right plan to begin with: Blame Kaname and ditch town.

Kaname broke the silence when he had an epiphany. "You're my friend, right, Kiryu?"

Zero eyed him suspiciously. "I'm not loaning you any money."

" . . . That's . . . not what I was going to ask you. I'm going to need your help with this plan."

The plan consisted of Zero putting on Sebastian's coat—which he didn't mind because he actually liked the coat—and going to Ciel's room to deliver his morning breakfast.

Ah, now that part he did mind. He had already had a run in with Ciel, and he didn't want to re-experience it. For all he knew Ciel could be hiding a shotgun somewhere on his persons just like he did, and would shoot him with it before he even had the chance to serve him tea.

That reminded him. What was Yuki up to? (how exactly did that remind you of Yuki?)

Maybe I should go check on her, he thought.

Yes, Zero, you go do that, and quite possibly have a heart attack, too. Something terribly, horribly awful is awaiting you . . .

**Thanks for reading, and please don't kill me!**

I know this chapter wasn't that good. Hopefully I can get over this annoying block.

Please review if at all possible. They keep me going in times of stress and sorrow.

Oh, and I have not killed anyone, so I really don't know how it feels after you 'accidently' delete someone. And I'm never planning to, I can't even kill spiders in my room.

Again, please review!


	8. Chapter 9

**I do not own Vampire Knight, Kuroshitsuji, or Resident Evil 4.**

"Wait, Lizzy, please calm down. I didn't mean to . . . bite you."

Lizzy had awoken from her surprised stupor, something almost everyone seemed to be doing lately, and was huddled in the corner, covering her bleeding neck.

"Ciel!" Lizzy screamed.

"Lizzy, please just calm down!"

"Ciel, help me!"

Yuki tried to walk towards Lizzy.

"Ciel! Help me! Ciel!"

It would appear Lizzy is only capable of screaming Ciel's name in time of great terror.

Kind of like every girl in video games.

Let us reminisce back to old times of playing video games at twelve o'clock at night with unfinished homework being used as scrap paper for cheat codes and walkthroughs.

"_Help! Leon! Help!" _

_Yes, Ashley, we heard you, and are fighting off hoards of Las Plagas for your sake._

"_Leon, help!"_

_We heard y—_

"_Help, Leon!"_

_Scream one more time!—_

"_Leon!"_

_Keep calm, she's the president's daughter, and you're here to save her—_

"_Leon, help me!"_

_Screw this game!_

_The next moment are followed by the game over screen because you failed to complete the mission. Oh dear . . . at least she stopped screaming. _

"Ciel!"

Yuki bit her lip.

Of course, Yuki couldn't be thinking about . . . deleting . . . exterminating . . . erasing-okay, just admit it—killing Lizzy. Yuki was too sweet of a vampire to do such a thing. Yes, vampires could be sweet. She loved people, even if those people didn't seem to love her back, like Zero. She believed Lizzy and she could hit it off as friends.

That is, if she could get Lizzy to stop screaming.

. . Oh dear . . . you didn't just do what I think you did . . . Did you, Yuki?

Well, at least she stopped screaming . . .

**Nothing much to say about this chapter!**

I love RE, especially pretty boy Leon. No one probably knows what I am talking about. I'm sorry; I just had a fit of randomness with this chapter.

I don't even know if my story is worth reviews . . . but I would still love them if at all possible.

Thank you very much for at least reading this train wreck of a fanfiction.


	9. Chapter 10

Hello, and good day. Thank you for reading this chapter. It is a weird one.

First off, I want to thank TheNoahsArk for helping me write this chapter, most of the jokes in this chapter are hers.

Oh, and we were deeply inspired by Death Note: The abridged Series for this chapter. So if you haven't seen it, GO WATCH IT!

Again, I do not find Zero stupid in any way. He's just a bit OOC in this story.

Warning: there is swearing in this chapter just because I wanted there to be.

**I do not own Vampire Knight or Kuroshitsuji!**

"Wake up . . . young master."

Ciel didn't budge. Not an inch.

"Hello, I said wake up, young master."

The young master twitched, but that was as far as the young master moved.

"Did you hear me? I said get your ass out of bed!"

White bed sheets whoosed into the air as an angry vampire tore back the covers covering Ciel Phantomhive.

"Bloody hell!" Ciel shrieked. "It's cold! Sebastian, what the hell did I say about waking me up in the morning! I want the room to be exactly 73.8 degrees when I wake up! And by no means are you allowed to pull at my bed sheets. What the hell did you not understand the last time—"

Zero stood besides Ciel's bed looking quite annoyed. If anyone was going to rant at such early hours of the day, it was going to be him. "What else would you like, your highness? Am I supposed to iron your socks? Your shoelaces? Keep those little annoying lint thingies in the air from flying around? Would you like me to turn off the sun for another hour? Or how about build statues out of chocolate? Sorry to say, but I'm not God. Now stop being a picky bitch, and get out of bed!"

Ciel raised a thin eyebrow. "Where's Sebastian?"

Zero froze. Kaname had told him what to say if Ciel were to ask him such questions.

_Kaname's words of wise wisdom: "Zero, I know you will probably fuck this up, but I'm going to tell you anyway. If Ciel asks you questions just stay calm. Tell him that Sebastian went on a vacation to go visit his home and family. And then try to avoid any other questions, because there is no way you'll be able to trick Ciel. He's one clever bastard." _

"Ah, Kaname told me what to say if you asked me this. Sebastian went to visit his family and told us to keep you safe and sound. I even brought your smartass some tea." He held up a cup of brown liquid.

"You mean he went to the mansion by the river in hell?" Ciel asked, eyeing the brown liquid distastefully.

"Yea—wait, what?"

"His family lives in hell. I haven't meant his father yet, but I bet I will soon. You did say he went to visit his family?" Ciel asked.

Kaname told me to avoid any questions Ciel asks. "No."

"But . . . Is that Sebastian's coat?"

"No comment."

"What's your name again?"

"Nope. Have some tea. It took me like five minutes to make."

Ciel eyed Zero suspiciously. "Where's Kaname?"

"I'm not answering your questions, Ciel. Now, shut up and drink your tea!"

"What's today?"

"No."

"What color is the sky?"

"No! Shut up!"

"What's 2 x 2?"

"Four! Ha! And Kaname says I can't even do math."

"How many licks does it take to get to Kaname's center?"

"It depends on his mood . . ."

"Is grass green?"

"Yes, it is.

"Is my eye creepy?"

"That glowing one? Yeah, kind of."

"Is hunting vampires fun?"

"Yeah, it is!"

"Did you kill Sebastian?"

"Fuck yeah! . . . I mean, no comment."

Damn, Ciel's good. But he's too good for his own good. And since I am God of this Fanfiction, Ciel doesn't get the right to know Sebastian is dead, and shall be distracted by my minion of great intellect a.k.a. Zero.

"Hey, Ciel, what's that on your cheek?"

"Huh?" Ciel touched his cheek, feeling a slimy trail that stretched from his ear down to the corner of his mouth. "What the-! Alois!"

Suddenly there was a noise from across the room.

"Ah, Claude, move your hand, you fresh demon."

The doors to Ciel's closet suddenly swung open. Alois Trancy and company suddenly burst out the tiny compartment. Alois had a pair of Ciel's shorts on, his blonde head and was smiling wryly.

"Oh, Ciel, why are you here?"

**Thank you for reading!**

And if you love Loveless and Kuroshitsuji go read TheNoahsArk fancficion because they are amazing!

Reviewing is awesome, and if you review you are awesome! SO BE AWESOME!

Sorry for any mistakes in this chapter!


	10. Chapter 11

Yay! here is another chapter of strange fanfiction.

Sorry it took me forever to write it; school has started and lets just say i have not taken very easy classes.

But what am i talking about?

**I do not own VAmpire Knight or Black Butler!**

* * *

Ciel glared at the two intruders, particularly at Alois and his short shorts.

"Hurry, Claude," Alois suddenly said, "emergency escape plan number 3. Also known as: This-Is-For-Breaking-My-Window-Bitch!"

And in a blink of Ciel's freaky purple eye (yes, he only had time to blink one eye) the two flew out of Ciel's window leaving only broken shards behind.

"Damn that Alois!" Ciel snarled running a hand along the white, dry saliva trail on his cheek.

"You!" he pointed a finger at Zero who was leaning against the wall. "Prepare me a bath!"

Zero didn't respond.

"I said prepare me a bath!"

Zero looked up, turning his gaze from his fine finger nails and at the angsty adolescent. "You talkin' to me?"

"No, I'm talking to the tooth fairy! . . . Yes you idiotic bastard, I am talking to you! Who else could I possibly be talking to? Sebastian is somewhere probably doing god knows what with some nun, so he's not going to give me a bath, that bastard!"

Zero sighed. "Didn't we go over this before? I'm not your fucking servant! What's up with everyone treating me like a servant? Kaname was and now you! I don't think so. If anyone around here is going to get a bubble bath, it's me!"

Five minutes later:

"Stop squirming! I can't wash your face if you don't hold still!"

Ciel proved to be quite hard to bathe, squirming out of zero's reach in the enormous bath tub every time he tried pouring water on him. It wasn't that Ciel hated baths; he actually quite enjoyed playing with the several rubber duckies he had made Sebastian buy for him. No, he just liked being an annoying little kid. And he was quite good at aggravating the hot tempered vampire.

At this time, the bathroom floor was covered in bubbles, water, and several rubber duckies with top-hats. An irritated zero sat in the middle of all this chaos, drenched and ready to push the young master under the water and hold him there . . . for a very long, long time.

"What the hell are you doing?" someone asked as they stepped into the bathroom.

Zero looked up with defeat in his eyes, looking like he was about to cry as Ciel had once again defied him and squirmed to the other end of the bathtub. "Kaname . . ." he sniffed. "I'm going to kill this little bastard *sniff*. Kill him real good . . . Hi."

"Ah, you're just in time. You can scrub my back," Ciel said, squeezing one of his rubber duckies and squirting a long thread of water at Kaname. "Why are you so dirty?"

Kaname looked down at his clothes. He was covered in dirt from head to toe and he held a shovel in his right hand. "I was helping Finny in the garden."

In reality, Kaname had been busy burying Sebastian's body in the rose garden. It had been a hard task, full of shoving, pushing, and quite a bit of cursing. But it had been worth it. Right before Kaname had dropped the hunk of demon into he shallow grave, he had made sure to give his pockets a thorough cleaning. His efforts had given him a new silver pocket watch, a hundred pounds, and some new silverware (?).

"I see," Ciel said. He was inspecting Kaname with suspicion in his eyes. "I thought Finnian was in town. I usually let him off early so he can go watch the Wild Earl."

Kaname quickly racked his brain for an intelligent answer, found out he couldn't find one, and was about to say something really mean to Ciel before he ran out of the house to buy him a first class boat ride to Cuba. But before he could he suddenly smelled something: BLOOD!

"Where's Yuki?" Kaname asked.

Ciel shrugged looking uninterested.

Zero played with a rubber ducky, completely ignoring Kaname because he hadn't said 'hi' back to him.

And then they heard a scream followed by a loud _thunk_ noise.

"I have a feeling Yuki did something terribly awful to your fiancée," Kaname said.

". . ."

"Aren't you worried about Elizabeth?"

"Why would I be? Lizzy's a strong, capable woman." Ciel laughed. "She needs to learn some independence. I mean, I can't save her every five seconds. If she gets bit by a vampire, and therefore turns into a vampire, that's alright with me. Maybe she can save her own ass for once."

Kaname stared blankly at Ciel. "If she turns into a vampire, the first thing she is going to need is blood. And whose blood do you think she is going to want to drink?"

Ciel froze.

"That's right," Kaname said.

"Ciel~!"

* * *

Wow, Ciel, you are such a biznatch. Maybe i should actually let Lizzy suck the life juice out of you!

But i can't do that, because that would be a horrible ending to this fanfiction.

Well, i actually think i will start developing a plot (i don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing) And i hope to bring FMA (Fullmetal Alchemist for all of you who don't know what it is) into the story.

It is going to be very strange. So if you don't know FMA-which all of you should because it is awesome, and is on TV, so you should watch it-i guess you might not like the upcoming chapters.

I still hope you will read though.

And as always, i really like it when you guys review. I haven't gotten any for awhile.

Thank you ANIM3 for reviewing on my last few chapters, also i want to thank TheNoahsArkCircus and TheSneakyHobo for reviewing as well. These guys are awesome!


	11. Chapter 12

Yeah, i actually wrote another chapter! YESSSSSSS! I am so good!

Okay, this is a wierd chapter. It still has randomness in it, but for some reason i feel that it is a bit more serious.

I don't know. You should tell me if it is or isn't.

**I do not own VAmpire knight, Kuroshitsuji, Vic Mignonga, or Final Fantasy: Crisis Core.**

* * *

"Ciel~"

The bathroom door burst open and a bundle of Lizzy suddenly shot into the large tiled room.

Ciel went pale, even paler than he usually was, at the sight of a bloodstained Lizzy as her wide blue eyes combed around the room.

Lizzy looked a lot like—if you have ever been to a convention—all those crazy yaoi fangirls. High on pocky, they race around the hallways after midnight screaming Vic Mignogna's name and glomping any poor cosplayer they see. It is truly a terrifying sight at seeing them slowly forming a pack, but damn funny when you see a poor Edward cosplayer being tackled to the ground.

Poor Edward, please ignore all their comments about you and Roy! They aren't true, I say! You only belong with Alfons!

Anyways, Lizzy's pupils were only small dots on her white eyeballs when she finally spotted Ciel.

"Oh, Ciel," Lizzy said as she slowly staggered towards the bathroom tub. "I'm so hungry. But I don't know what I want to eat . . . you smell so nice."

Ciel gulped. "It's the shampoo. Now, please go back to bed, Lizzy."

"I don't wanna!" Lizzy screamed in a high pitch tone. "You never pay any attention to me! You also leave me to go talk to that Alois Trancy!" She took another step forward, blood dripping from her chin and down her neck.

"Whoa, Ciel. This girl is obviously the obsessive kind. You should dump her while you have the chance. Seriously, before she rips your throat out," Zero said from his seat on the ground.

Lizzy continued to step forward . . . one, slow, agonizing step at a time. Jesus, Lizzy, pick up the pace!

"Look at her," Ciel said, grabbing a towel and quickly wrapping it around his tiny waist, "If I break up with her now, she'll do worse than just rip my throat out."

Zero nodded. "Your right, she'll rip your—" No, Zero!

"Kaname, what should I do?" Ciel asked as he watched Lizzy growing ever closer.

Kaname shrugged, looking quite calmly at the rabid looking Lizzy. "What do I get if I help you?"

Ciel glared at him. "What do you want?"

Kaname rubbed at his chin. "Since I have lost my mansion . . . hmm, I want half of yours. Only half, because I am such a nice guy and I don't want you to be homeless."

"Are you crazy? I can't give you half of my mansion!"

Kaname pointed at Lizzy. "It's either you give me half your mansion or I let you get eaten by an obsessive girlfriend. Which is it?"

"Ciel . . ." Lizzy purred, only a few steps away.

Ciel shuddered. "Fine! You get half of my mansion! Now help me!"

Kaname smiled and handed Ciel the shovel he was holding. "Here's a shovel. Have some fun."

Ciel stared blankly at the shovel, confused at what he should do with it. And that's when Lizzy leapt at him.

In a state of panic, people do crazy things. And since Ciel was in a state of panic, he swung the shovel at the incoming Lizzy fiend . . . and at that exact moment Zero decided to stand up.

"Omigawd, look. A butterfly!" Zero said, standing up and pointing out the window at a bluebird (Why did you think that was a butterfly, Zero?).

_Bang!_ That is the sound of Zero getting hit square in the face by a shovel.

It gave Lizzy the perfect opening for her to attack Ciel. But before she could, a white gloved hand suddenly grabbed the shovel out of Ciel's shaking hands and swung it at the vampire girl.

Lizzy hit the wall . . . Hard! And she didn't get back up . . . oh dear.

Sebastian swung the shovel gracefully-just like Zack Fair does the buster sword in Final Fantasy: Crisis Core- and placed it on his shoulder.

"Only I can bite, Bocchan," he said.

* * *

Oh no, Sebastian is back, and he doesn't seem to be in a very good mood.

I can't wait to see Kaname's face!

Please review if you have the heart to!

Love you guys!

Oh, and i also erased chapter 4 and am planning to rewrite.

That chapter just got to me. . . in a bad way.

So if your confused about a missing link in the story, that's probably why.

Don't worry i'll make sure to write it real fast . . . maybe!


	12. Chapter 4

I really need to rewrite chapter 4, but I don't want to! I hated it so bad I erased it from everywhere. My computer and fanfiction! Jeez, and now I have to rewrite it completely, but I really need to because I bet some people might be confused if I don't so I guess I will right now.

Here we go, and please remember to keep your hands and feet inside of your personal bubble at all times as you read this fanfiction! The randomness might cause you to fall out of your chair, which may lead to several dangerous situations. Like falling on your cat, or your annoying curious sibling, or breaking some expensive vase your parents got on their wedding day!

You have been warned!~

**I do not own Vampire Knight or Kuroshitsuji! **

"Please enjoy your stay here!" Sebastian said, a too sweet smile on his demonic lips.

He pushed open the plain brown door and Kaname looked into the room with a look of disbelief.

"What the hell is this?" he asked as he examined the room.

"It is your room that you will stay in," Sebastian said, cocking his head as if confused at Kaname's question.

"This is a broom cupboard compared to my room. I can't sleep in there!"

"Oh, but I'm afraid you have no choice." Sebastian purred. "This is the room young master has decided to give you."

"Yeah, Kaname! Just get in the damn room!" Zero snarled pushing Kaname forward.

Kaname tripped forward into the room. It was a small box compared to his room that could only fit about five people in it, and they would have to stand shoulder to shoulder. There was only one bed, which was covered in dust and what looked like greenish mold . . . eww!

Kaname gulped as he remembered he hated small spaces.

Yes, the great pureblood is claustrophobic and sometimes afraid of heights . . . But we all have our faults! So don't judge him!

"Now," Zero said clapping his hands, "please take me to my room!"

Sebastian raised a thin eyebrow, a smirk on his face. "Well, now this is where things get interesting. I'm afraid we do not have enough rooms to allow you to have your own private room, so—"

"What do you mean you don't have enough rooms? This is a freakin' mansion, for Christ's sake!" Kaname yelled.

"You two will simply have to stop this trivial lovers quarrel and—"

Zero cringed as the words came out of Sebastian's mouth

"And share a room!" He gave zero a tiny shove and pushed him into the room. "Now goodnight and have a wonderful night's sleep."

Zero reached towards Sebastian as he quickly closed the bedroom door. The tiny room suddenly seemed quite silent and even more crowded.

Zero quickly stood up. "I call the bed."

"Fuck You!" Kaname said and quickly ran to the bed as Zero leapt onto it. They ended up in a tangled mess, both of them fighting for the title King of the Bed, which is such a strange thing to be fighting for.

"I have spontaneous kicking fits," Zero growled as Kaname pushed his foot into his face. "I'm only trying to steal the bed away from you for your own damn good. I don't want to kick you in the middle of the night! Damn it, move your foot!"

"Move your hand, you pervert!" Kaname snarled. "And your spontaneous kicking fits are all the more reason for me to have the bed! You can have your spasms on the floor!"

"But I don't want to sleep on the floor! There are bugs down there!" He whimpered as he spotted something big and black crawl underneath the bed.

They spent the next few minutes in a strange strangle tangle of limbs and swear words until finally Kaname got the upper advantage. He hovered above Zero, holding his wrists by his sides.

"Um," Zero said, flustered, "We could always share a bed . . ."

Kaname raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying I should share my bed with a servant?

Zero growled. "I'm not your servant!" And fine don't share a bed with me! Geez, I thought I would be considerate, but nooo, you have to be all—"

Kaname sighed and let his full weight fall upon Zero's front.

"Ooof!" was the sound of Zero being squashed by Kaname's weight. "What are you doing?" He managed to moan out as he sucked in some air.

"I'm sharing a bed with you," he said as he nuzzled his nose into Zero's collarbone. "This is how I sleep . . ." He then added menacingly, "You got a problem with how I sleep?"

"N-no!" Zero stuttered. "But I wouldn't mind you losing a couple of pounds! You are so heavy!"

Kaname glared at Zero's chin, the only thing he could see. "You calling me fat?"

"No! . . . maybe."

Kaname gabbed a finger into Zero's side and the vampire suddenly yelped at the sudden strange electric feeling.

"I am a ninja," Kaname said, "I know all your pressure points and weaknesses, so don't F with me."

"You fat cow!" Zero giggled as Kaname began to run and pinch him up and down his legs. "Ha! HA! Your thighs jiggle whenever you walk! No, stop it! Stop it that tickles!"

The door suddenly creaked open. "Greetings!" someone yelled in a cheerful voice. "Oooh, what are we doing here? Can I join?"

**Yesssss, I actually wrote the damn chapter!**

Finally!

Yes, it is very weird, but I was in a weird mood and was listening to a weird song.

If you didn't like this chapter, tell me! Dang, you can tell me anything from how you feel about this fanfiction to how you hate/like school!

I don't care, just so long as you review.

I love reviews!

But I also like seeing the number of hits slowly rising too.

So *sigh* if you don't have enough time to review, I guess it's okay to just read all of my chapters.

Thank you for reading, and I will make sure to write the next chapter really fast. I'll be so fast you won't even see me coming. I'll be like _woosh_ and you'll be like 'wow!"

Geez, I talk too much . . . sorry for any mistakes.


	13. Chapter 13

Oh my gosh, i've got something to say! Okay, so today in my japanese class a new kid came. He's a foreign exchange student, and he seems really cool! I think I . . . respect him!

I'm not going to say i have a crush on him, because i gave up on crushes along time ago.

Anways, none of that has anything to do with this story!

**I do not VAmpire Knight or Black Butler**

* * *

Kaname stared at the butler in front of him . . . he just stared. After all, Sebastian was supposed to be dead. Kaname himself had thrown a knife at the back of his head and watched as Sebastian's body hit the kitchen floor.

So why was he standing before him?

Hmmm . . . I wonder.

Well, all we fans of Kuroshitsuji know one simple fact: **Sebastian. Never. Dies.**

He just gets pissed.

But at that moment, Sebastian was savoring the look on Kaname's face, and was doing a good job at keeping his inner emotions of dark I'm-going-to-stab-you-in-the-back-for-killing-me-so-keep-one-eye-open-when-you-sleep feeling to himself.

"Oh, hey, Sebastian," Zero said rubbing the bump on his head he had received from Ciel. "How you doing?"

Sebastian smiled at Zero. "Just delightful," he said and swung the shovel he had perched on his shoulder at the poor Zero.

Kaname just kept on staring . . .

Ciel dodged as Zero fell backwards onto the bathroom floor, a second bump growing on top of his first.

"Where the hell were you?" Ciel snapped at the demon. "I got attacked in my sleep by that Alois Trancy! He licked me!"

Sebastian smiled amusedly at Ciel. "It's good for you to get attacked in your sleep once or twice. If not for Alois, I would have to attack you, and I don't think you would like that very much, young master."

Ciel blushed. "What the hell are you talking about? What the hell is up with this mansion? Besides myself, there is not one normal, sane person! I mean look at you, you crazed demon! You're not in any way normal! And this poor pathetic lump on the floor that has been reduced to the same level as Misa! He's just ,. . . there is no word in the human language that can describe this poor, pathetic bastard! And look at Lizzy! I think you killed her, Sebastian! How am I going to explain this to her insane mother? Huh? That woman scares me!" He turned to look at Kaname. "And what the hell are you staring at? Don't think I have forgotten you, you bastard! You're not-"

Ciel went on and on like this for several more minutes, probably going through some strange girly phase of pointing out everyone's flaws.

And what did Kaname do?

Well, he just stared.

Meanwhile, a strange blonde was outside lurking around the Phantomhive mansion. He was lurking behind a big, green bush and watching all the windows. He has seen some movement from one of the upper windows and then a blonde boy and black-clad demon had jumped out of that particular window. But besides that, nothing interesting had happened.

"Kaname-sama," the blonde mumbled, chewing on his thumbnail. "Where are you?"

"Watcha lookin at?"

"I'm looking for Kaname-sama," the blonde said.

"Who's that?"

"How can you not know the great gang lord Kaname-sama?" the blonde asked in astonishment. "He's only the most handsome, intelligent, courageous man in the world!"

"Really? I always thought Sebastian was . . ."

"Who's Sebastian?"

"Well, he-"

"Never mind, I don't care," the blonde snapped, keeping his blue eyes trained on the windows. "Wait . . ."

When had he started talking to someone? He was supposed to be spying. And when you spy, no one should know you are spying! It's like the number one rule of being a master spying spy!

The blonde slowly looked at who had been talking to him. Another boy was sitting beside him, looking up at him with big green eyes.

"Ack!" the blonde screamed. "Who are you?"

"I'm Finny!" the boy yelled cheerfully. "And you're not supposed to be on young master's property without his permission. And since you seem to be snooping, I'm guessing you don't have his permission. Naughty, naughty."

The green eyed boy didn't seem to be much of a threat, but nevertheless, the blonde felt nervous around him. "I'm not snooping . . ."

"Really? Then what are you doing?"

"What will you do if I am?" the blonde asked, sweating nervously.

Finny looked around and found a thick branch that had been lying on the ground. He picked it up with ease, gave the snooping blonde a big grin, and broke the thick branch in half.

"Ah!" the blonde squeaked in shock. "I'm not snooping, I swear! So don't hurt me!"

Meanwhile (again), nothing of great importance had changed in the bathroom . . . oh wait, Lizzy had moved . . . an inch. Way to go, Lizzy!

"Ugh," Lizzy moaned.

"Lizzy?" Ciel said quickly running over to the fallen young maiden. "Are you all right?"

"Since when did you care?" Zero muttered under his breath while nursing his wounds.

Ciel gave him a cold glare then turned his attention back to his fiancée. "Speak to me, Lizzy." He dropped to his knees, still only wearing a towel, and touched Lizzy's forehead.

"Agh," Lizzy groaned again. "Everything hurts. What the hell happened?"

Ciel's eyes widened. Never, and I mean never, had Lizzy sworn.

"Young master," Sebastian said, his voice low but slightly alarmed. "Please take a step back from it."

"But—"

"Who the hell are you people," The not-Lizzy said. "Where am I?" Not-Lizzy looked Ciel. "Ah! Get some clothes on."

Everyone was now staring at the not-Lizzy. Everyone except Kaname who was thinking:

I don't what the hell is going on around here . . . I buried that butler in the garden, and I swear he was dead when I did it! After this chapter, I swear I'm going to confront him! I'm going to confront him real good, and make him tell me everything about him! Yes, that's what I'll do.

. . . Okay, Kaname you do that.

Anways, back to the not-Lizzy.

"I don't know why I'm in a bathroom full of guys," Not-Lizzy said, squirming away from Ciel. "Oh god, did Winry finally sell me away to be a male prostitute. Al warned me this would happen if I kept singing and dancing in the shower and wasting all of the hot water . . . Wait, where's Al?

* * *

Can you guess who the two new characters are? I think the not-Lizzy is pretty easy to guess since i mentioned two characters from the story they are in. But the new blonde character, besides finany, i think is a bit harder to guess.

(I take it all back) I feel horrible!

**Read and review!**

I'm now going to go do homework and dream of the new student. I wonder if he can do ESP . . .


	14. Chapter 14

Yay! I wrote another chapter!

But . . . it's not exactly my best one. Is it just me, or have my chapters slowly gotten worse . . . ?

ANIM3—Sorry for the random question, but have you watched Fullmetal Alchemist?

**I do not own Vampire Knight, Kuroshitsuji, or Fullmetal Alchemist. **

The Not-Lizzy and Sebastian were having an epic stare-off in the middle of Ciel's bedroom. Neither of them blinked as they stared into each others eyes.

Ciel watched from the sidelines, sitting on top of his bed, and watching Lizzy's face. There was a strange look on her face that he had never seen before: it was a smug, bored expression, but she also stared at Sebastian like she knew him. He found the Not-Lizzy to be very interesting. Very interesting, indeed.

The room had been silent and Zero, who was lying besides Ciel, was the first to break it. He jumped off the bed gracefully and walked towards Sebastian who had not taken his red eyes off of Lizzy.

Zero had no idea what was going on, due to the fact that he had been unconscious for a large part of the time. A time in which Lizzy had seemed to become possessed.

"Hey, Sebastian!" he said. "Give me your gloves."

Sebastian looked up with his thin eyebrows raised. "Why?"

Zero pulled at the edges of the butler coat he had stolen from Sebastian's dead body. "Because I need to complete this get-up. And since you always seem to be wearing gloves, I think I should wear some too."

"Who the hell is this?" the Not-Lizzy asked.

"I could ask the same to you," Sebastian said.

"Don't ignore me, Sebastian," Zero said.

Sebastian sighed. "Fine,"—he pulled off his gloves—"Here you are. Now go play your silly games somewhere else."

Zero smiled and quickly pulled on the white gloves. "Wait here while I go make some tea, Ciel!" And then he ran off.

"That imbecile," Sebastian growled under his breath. He returned his eyes to the Not-Lizzy, and frowned.

The Not-Lizzy was staring at his hand with wide golden eyes. Suddenly the not-Lizzy snatched at his right hand.

"I've never seen a transmutation circle like this before. That girl from Xing did use something similar to this, but her circle didn't have these strange markings on them. What's it for?"

"Transmutation circle?" Ciel muttered. "What's he talking about, Sebastian?"

The Not-Lizzy turned to look at Ciel. "You have the same circle in your right eye. How does that work? Hey, Colonel, what the hell is going on around here? And who is this kid?"

"Colonel?" Sebastian asked his brows furrowing. A small smile appeared on his lips. "I see. You aren't from this world."

The Not-Lizzy cocked her head then her strange golden eyes widened as if having a sudden epiphany. "The gate . . . I remember now. I died and then Al transmuted himself to bring me back . . . I had my arm and my leg, but Al was gone. I couldn't live with myself knowing that my brother would be lost in the gate forever, so I transmuted myself . . ."

"I don't understand half of what you are saying," Ciel mumbled. "But it seems quite idiotic and round-about. Just get over it, already, and tell us who you are!"

Golden eyes stopped on Ciel's face and he snarled, "I'm Edward Elric—The Fullmetal Alchemist! Who the hell are you?"

Ciel looked unfazed by Edward's sudden outburst. The name meant nothing to him, but he had heard of Alchemists. "I'm Earl Ciel Phantomhive, and you are in my fiancée's body."

Edward was about to snap something at the short earl, but stopped when he noticed just how different he felt. He looked down at his body, first noticing the fact that he possessed two flesh arms and two flesh legs. He then noticed that he had gained (and lost) a few more things.

First of all he was wearing a dress. Okay, it wasn't the most surprising thing that had happened in his life. He had been waiting for the day when one of Colonel Mustang's absurd missions required him to cross-dress.

Second, he was covered in blood . . . He didn't find that all too surprising either, considering all the fights he had fought. The blood was probably his, but he didn't mind a few more scars to add to his collection.

Third, and this was the detail that took his intellectual brain a few seconds to process: There were two small lumps where there shouldn't have been on his chest.

"I'm gonna kill that damn Truth!" Edward shouted. "He's probably laughing it up right now! Putting me in a girl's body . . . You're so dead! You hear me Truth!"

Ciel sighed. "Please clam down." He slowly got off his bed and walked towards the fuming Edward. "Sebastian, how do we get this person out of Lizzy?"

"Sebastian?" Edward asked, turning his eyes to the demon. "Hmm, I could have sworn you were that bastard. You look like him, though your hair is bit longer . . . All this is starting to fuck with my brain. I think I need some fresh air."

"No," Ciel suddenly snapped. "You are not permitted to leave his mansion!"

"Oh, yeah! Who the hell died and made you master of the universe? I'll leave if I want to!" Edward shouted, though he hadn't planned on leaving. He just liked being rebellious.

"As long as you are in Lizzy's body you cannot leave my sight or Sebastian's. To the rest of England you are Elizabeth Middleford, and I will not have you sullying her name by making some unpardonable mistake."

Edward was silent for a moment. "Fine, but as long as I'm in your mansion I get to do whatever I want."

Ciel eyed the alchemist curiously and warily. "Fine."

"Good," Edward said standing up from where he sat on a chair and walking towards the door. "I want a change of clothes. Some tight pants sound good, and they better be leather."

Zero was walking through the garden for no particular reason. He had planned to go to the kitchen and make some tea, but had taken a wrong turn somewhere and was now walking amongst the bird and the bees.

He had hoped to see Kaname on the way but hadn't. Kaname had just drifted away after Lizzy had woken up. He had walked out of the room muttering to himself darkly.

Suddenly something moved in a bush to his right. Zero stopped and looked at it.

"Who's there?"

" . . . Nobody. Now walk away!"

If zero hadn't been in a curious mood he probably would have walked away. But he was in a curious mood and needed something to cure his random boredom.

Quickly he pounced at the bush which made strange hurt noises when he landed on something hard.

"You!" Zero said at the person tackled beneath him. "What are you doing here?"

Aidou glared up at the vampire, baring his own sharp canines. "I'm trying to find Kaname-sama! He suddenly left the school, so I decided to find him and make sure he's safe."

"Kaname won't like that you're here."

"Why?"

"Because he left the school to get away from idiots like you."

Aidou laughed. "Like I should believe you! Kaname-sama is too kind and gentle to do something like that. He wouldn't leave me . . . Oh, Kaname-sama!"

Kaname looked down at the two vampires, his red eyes dark and foreboding. "You're right, Aidou. I wouldn't leave you in a million years because you're so handy in times of great predicaments."

"What's he talking about?" Aidou asked Zero, nudging him with his elbow.

Zero didn't get to answer but both were instead handed a shovel.

"Two can dig faster than one," Kaname said.

Meanwhile, Yuuki lay unconscious in Lizzy's blood covered room. Well at least I hope she is unconscious. She hasn't exactly moved in a few chapters.

**Okay, how did you like it?**

Yes, it is very random, and no I don't think this story will ever develop anything close to a plot. Well . . . on second thought it might. I've been thinking up some stuff lately, and since I've brought some new characters into the story, and think I can actually start pointing this weird Fanfiction thingy into a real-ish story.

I don't know if any of you have watched Tsubasa . . . I only watched like five episodes, but only because Jason Librecht played the main character. I got the gist of the story and how they travel from world to world in search of feathers. I think I'm going to do something like that, but they'll be traveling to different anime worlds . . . or something along that line of thought.

You can tell me if you hate this idea . . . all you have to do is press the Review button on the bottom of this page.

Anyways, thanks to those who have reviewed. I love you all!

Updates probably won't be very frequent . . . school is being a pain in the ass, and right now i'm refusing to do in any homework. That won't last very long tough.


	15. Chapter 15

What's this?

Ah, It's another chapter which took me like all month to write.

Not really, I just lost my laptop for a month so I couldn't find this chapter.

Sorry!~~~~

**I do not own Vampire Knight or Kuroshitsuji or Fullmetal Alchemist!**

Ciel wandered around the halls of his mansion, finding all the flaws. Marlene had once again polished the banisters with black shoe polish, he noticed as his gloves left the surface with an oily tint. He could smell the scent of burning food in the air, meaning Bard had destroyed lunch with one of his American contraptions. And he didn't even want to think about what Finny was doing.

He walked up the stairs and into the halls. He looked out one of the windows and noticed Zero and Kaname outside with some strange blonde. Ciel sighed and turned away. He then spotted a naked man chasing a non-existent tail—he grimaced at the disturbing sight.

His mansion had become a place for freaks, and he wasn't sure he liked it.

But none of the people he had just seen could compare to the person that had possessed his fiancée, Elizabeth Middleford.

Ciel reached the door at the end of the hall and pushed it open. The room smelled of tea and ash and was dimly lighted.

The Not-Lizzy, otherwise known as Edward Elric the FullWhatever alchemist, sat on the floor reading. Yuki sat by his/her side.

They had become friends. Well, it was technically a one-sided friendship. Yuuki had demanded she take care of Lizzy after what she had done. And ever since she had woken up—she had been unconscious due to Lizzy hitting her over the head with a vase—she had stuck herself to Lizzy . . . Edward . . . It.

"What's that?" Yuuki asked, pointing to a circle Edward had drawn on the floor.

"Stop pestering me!" Edward growled. "I need to think!"

Ciel let the door creak shut and was startled a first when Edward looked up at him. Lizzy's eyes had changed from a deep blue into gold. But that wasn't the only change. Her voice had become lower and her taste in clothes had definitely changed too. Edward had demanded that he never wear a dress as long as he was in the mansion, and had made Sebastian make him a pair of black pants and loose tank top.

In fact, Ciel was pretty sure Sebastian was in his room sewing a red jacket for the alchemist as well.

"What do you want?" Edward growled again, picking up another book and flipping through it.

"Have you gone insane?" Ciel asked as he looked at all the walls, ceiling, and floor. They were all covered in writing and circles.

"Not yet," Edward said. "But I might if I keep getting nothing but dead ends." He threw the book he was holding across the room. "I'm missing something!"

The book skidded across the floor and hit Ciel's polished shoes. It was chemistry book, one Ciel had never thought to pick out of his library.

"I've read all of these damn books!" Edward hissed.

"You haven't read this one," Yuki said, handing him a small red book.

Edward gave her a glare. "I don't think a book on rocketry will help me figure out the type of array, alchemic power, and strength I need to open the gate."

"Rocketry?" Ciel asked walking over to the fuming Alchemist. "I don't recall owning any books on rocketry." He took the book from Yuki and flipped through it. "This book belongs to the library in town."

"You have a library in town?" Edward's golden eyes were suddenly gleaming.

Ciel snapped the book shut. "We are not leaving the mansion. And when I saw we, I mean you."

"You can't keep me locked up forever, earl!"

"Of course I can,"—Ciel didn't know why he was suddenly compelled to use the word that next came out of his mouth, "you short-tempered alchemist."

"Oh, no you didn't!" Edward shouted, jumping up from his seat and rushing over to the earl. "Who are you calling so short—hey, wait. I'm like three inches taller than you in this body!"

Edward was about to pummel the poor, sweet, innocent Ciel Phantomhive when something red was suddenly shoved into his face.

"Now, now, young master. Why don't we give Mr. Elric a chance to prove himself?"

"Kaname, what are we doing?" Aidou asked, carrying his heavy shovel on his shoulder.

"Shut up, Aidou!" Zero snapped. "Can't you see Kaname is in one of his moods? If you're not careful, he'll pounce."

"Pounce?"

"Yeah," Zero whispered to Aidou, making sure Kaname couldn't hear him. "I once called him fat and he was all over me. I didn't think I would get away from him alive."

Aidou gulped. He would remember to call Kaname fat one day.

"Here we are?" Kaname said, stopping in front of a large hole.

"Where exactly?" Zero asked. Of course he wasn't to follow his own advice and continued to speak. "Geez, Kaname. Did you take me out here just to look at a big random hole? I could be in the kitchen by now, making tea and rummaging through the shelves."

"This is where I buried Sebastian."

"Buried who?" Aidou asked, looking into the big hole.

"Ciel's butler," Zero answered. He then turned to Kaname. "Looks like you forgot to cover him up when you were done."

At the bottom of the large hole was a note: "Try Again".

Thank you for reading!

Sorry it took me forever.

I dedicated this whole month to anime banzai, so I didn't have a lot of time on my hands . . .

I'm thinking about separating this story a bit.

I plan to write another story called **100 Ways to Kill Sebastian** or something like that and I'll use the Vampire Knight characters.

Tell me what you think and if you have any ideas on how you would kill/exterminate Sebastian!


	16. Chapter 16

Hola, people-if there are any people still reading this.

Prepare yourselves because i've reverted to a more serious tone . . . i don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I'm not promising that there won't be anymore strange and cracktastic chapters ahead, just that this one is a little more . . . serious.

**I do not own Vampire knight, Kuroshitsuji, or Fullmetal alchemist.**

It was horrifying. It was ghastly! It was a bloody dress!

Edward felt very uncomfortable as the carriage door slowly opened and Sebastian held out his black gloved hand for him to take. He would have grumbled and pushed it aside if not for the stone cold earl who kept sending daggers of icy looks his way. With a sigh he took Sebastian's hand and let the man help him down the steps of the carriage.

He found it quite hard walking in the high heeled red shoes Sebastian had forced upon his feet, but that was not the worse part of his feminine attire.

The bloody thing around his waist that threatened to squeeze out his innards was the part that was killing him most. He had never seen any women in Amestris wearing such silly bondage. Then again, he hadn't known many real women (Winry didn't count!). Lieutenant Hawkeye had always been a pretty manly woman, though she could definitely act feminine when the colonel came around.

And don't even get him started on how horrible it was getting the thing on! Sebastian had assisted him, but the pale, red eyed man's smile as he tightened the strings was completely frightening. Not to mention the little bastard of an earl had watched, sipping tea and smiling his own sadistic smile. It was like he enjoyed seeing the alchemist go through the pain of a corset.

"Here we are," Sebastian said once Ciel stepped out of the carriage. "The library. Please refrain from getting into trouble, young master. And you too, Madam."

"Are you leaving, Sebastian?" Ciel asked giving the butler a strange look.

Sebastian smiled. "I thought the young master would enjoy a day out with his fiancé. I have an appointment with someone, but I will be close at hand if you need me. All you have to do is call."

And with that the butler was gone into the midst of the growing crowd.

"That bastard. Always leaving me with people I hate," Ciel muttered.

"What the hell you say?" Edward snarled causing a few couples to look at the harsh speaking young girl.

"Now, now, Elizabeth. That is no way to speak in public." Ciel presented his arm to Edward. "Take my arm, Lizzy, and I'll show you around the library. That is if you are a good girl."

Edward frowned at the short earl, rolled his eyes, and slipped his hand onto Ciel's arm. "Yes, darling. Lead the way!"

"That's more like it," Ciel smiled a perfectly lovely, but completely, fake smile. And with a quick peck on Lizzy's cheek they were headed up the stairs to the library.

Edward swore to himself that he would remember to step on the earl's toes with his spiky high heels when he got the next chance.

Sebastian walked down the alley, feeling the presence of people slowly fade away as he went deeper into the underworld maze of the city.

Walking through dirty black halls of stone and passing only two or three rotting humans he finally arrived at his destination. He slowly crouched down behind a tall pile of crates, his black jacket moistening in the slime of the alley.

Behind the crates was a hole, too small for a human but just right for the true beauty of the world.

Two green eyes suddenly shone bright in the darkness of the hole. Several more green lights appeared, tinier than the first pair, and he could hear the soft purring of the little beings hiding in the hole.

"Come on," he purred back stretching out an ungloved hand towards the kittens and mother cat.

The kittens quickly pranced out, attacking the demons hand with a playful ferocity.

"Kitties!" someone suddenly interrupted from behind Sebastian.

The kittens, upon hearing the noise, rushed back to the hole, their eyes the only visible parts of their body.

Sebastian frowned as someone suddenly crouched down besides him. "Why are you following me?"

Zero looked at the hole and the staring green eyes. "It seemed suspicious that you would suddenly just up and leave Ciel all alone. I thought that perhaps you were cheating on him. And it looks like you are! You naughty man!" The vampire outstretched his hand towards the little green eyes, causing the mother to hiss. "Your lovers aren't very nice, though."

"They don't like imbeciles," Sebastian murmured. "Where's Kaname?"

"He's at the library with Ciel and Elizabeth. Is it just me, or does Lizzy seem a bit different?"

Sebastian smiled. "No, the Madam seems quite normal to me. You must be imagining things."

Suddenly a dark presence caught the demon's attention. He swiftly turned his head to see a black figure walking down the alley he had come from. He stood, re-gloving his hand, Zero standing by his side dressed in grey and white.

A medium height of a man stood before the vampire and demon. He wore the fancy apparel of a rich Frenchman, but by his exotic features it was obvious he was no Frenchman. His greenish black hair was tied up with a red ribbon into a loose ponytail and white laces trimmed his black clothes. His eyes were the color of amethysts and seemed to glow in the murky darkness.

"Excuse me," the man said his voice crisp and almost mocking, "may I ask you two gentlemen a question?"

Zero gave Sebastian a side glance, his violet eyes suddenly serious. His pale hand reached beneath his coat to where the familiar cold metal of his gun rested, waiting and thirsty. Sebastian did little more than move his feet as if to prepare for a fight.

The exotic man raised his hands. "Woah, there. I'm just here to talk. I come in peace, I swear it."

Zero tilted his head, uncertain, but removed his tense hand away from the gun at his waist. "Ask you question, then," he said.

The purple eyed man smiled in the dark, flashing white teeth. "I'm looking for someone. A pipsqueak to be exact."

**Sorry for any mistakes! I haven't had the time to edit it.**

did you like it?

I'm not so sure about this chapter or the way i have changed the tone again.

But i did introduce a new character who will be in the story now . . . though i'm not really sure where this story is going.

Review if you have the time! They make me happy and help me continue writing!

**Oh yeah, this is basically how the carriage ride to the library went:**

. ". . . Are we there yet?"

Ciel's blue eye twitched. "No."

The not-Lizzy began to sway back and forth. "How 'bout now?"

"No!" Ciel growled, feeling tempted to throw the book he held at him.

Sebastian sat on the other side of the two children, watching with a blank face. "How about we play a game?" he suggested.

"I'm not a child," Ciel mumbled. "I don't play children's games."

"I love games," Ed chirped. "I'll go first. Mmmmm, I spy something black!"

Sebastian looked out the window. "A cat?"

"Nope!"

"The Grim Reaper," Ciel said, not looking up from his book.

"Uh, no." Ed said, "Um, I spy something red."

"Another cat?" Sebastian said, looking quite wise.

"Sigh, no."

"Blood," Ciel mumbled.

"No! It was that damn house off in the distance! Geez!" he huffed, sitting back and folding his arms. "You guys can't even play a simple game of I Spy. You're both defected human beings."

"That's rather rude," Sebastian said, straightening his tie.

"But so true," Ciel said.

Silence . . .

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"


	17. Chapter 17

Merry Holidays!

**I do not own Vampire Knight, Fullmetal Alchemist, or Kuroshitsuji!**

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"Would you please refrain from making silly flirtations with my fiancé," Ciel said as he picked up another book from his mile high pile. "You'll start the noble women chattering and gossiping."

"What did you say?" Kaname asked. Currently he was sitting beside the not-Lizzy, his arm loosely slung around her shoulders, and sitting a little too close for Ciel's comfort. Not that Ciel really cared if Kaname was flirting with Edward or not. But he did mind it while he possessed Lizzy's body.

"Yeah, man," Edward grumbled under his breath. He tried to scoot away from the handsome vampire but found the bench gave little room for him to move. "I'm an engaged woman. You can't go around hittin' on other peoples women!"

Kaname grinned a wolfish grin. "But I like starting gossip. What's the point of being a noble if you can't start rumors and live an envied life?" He lowered his pale lips to Lizzy's bare neck as a pair of old rich women walked by. Immediately they started to chatter, throwing the Phantomhive, Kuran, and Middleford name around and mixing them with truth and rumor.

Edward jumped at the feeling of the cool lips against his neck. "What the-?" He quickly jumped up from his seat and settled upon the lap of Ciel, sticking his tongue out at the suddenly bored looking vampire. "What did I say? I'm engaged, asshole. Next time I bitch slap you."

Ciel sighed, suddenly finding it difficult to read with a lapful of red dress and possessed female. "Why exactly did we come to the library again?"

Edward face suddenly light up. "Oh yeah! I don't suppose this library would carry any books on alchemy?"

Ciel shrugged. "Alchemy hasn't been a huge part of history in this world. But we might be able to find something if we look, but let's not hold our breaths . . . I also have to return this book on rocketry. How the hell it got into my house mystifies me."

Edward picked up the book on rocketry, flipping through pages. "Rockets, hmm? We didn't have them back at my place. Maybe when I get back I'll—"

Ciel looked up from his book at the sudden pause of Edward's strange ranting. "Are you alright, Elizabeth? . . . Elizabe—Edward?"

Edward's face was contorted in a mask of surprise, confusion, and maybe a shadow of old hope. He was on his feet in seconds, rushing towards a person Ciel couldn't pick from the crowd.

"What's wrong with the alchemist?" Kaname asked, returning his attention back to his companions.

Ciel didn't answer but instead stood from his seat and rushed after the flowing red dress that was quickly slipping into the crowd. "Elizabeth!"

Edward rushed forward in a daze, seeking out the face he had only seen from the corner of his eyes. Pushing through people and tripping over the hems of his red dress he feared he wouldn't catch up to the person he had seen.

Ah! There he was again. A sudden flash of golden eyes and blonde hair, a face that seemed burned into his memory with only a few differences.

"Stop!" Edward shouted causing people to turn their heads, but it wasn't the right head that turned.

The golden eyed man disappeared into the crowd once more. A sudden flash of fear rippled through Edward as he realized he might lose the person he was running after. The library was only so big, but it was big enough and full enough that he would lose the golden eyed man before he managed to reach him.

"Fuck!" Edward quickly pulled off the red heels slowing him down and raised one over his head. "Duck and cover people!" he screamed and people stopped, saw the very dangerous missile in his (or her) pale hand, and quickly ducked.

Edward threw the shoe at the receding, and seemingly deaf, golden eyed man. Luckily no idiot (CoughCough Zero) blocked the perfect shot of the shoe and it successfully hit the blonde head of Edward's chosen victim with a satisfying sound.

"Shit!" the golden eyed man yelped holding his head between thin fingers. He stayed that way for a minute just in case who ever threw the shoe decided to throw the other one. Slowly, he lifted his head. His eyes landed on the girl with only one shoe on. "Hey, girl! You shouldn't go throwing shoes at people!" He waved the red heel in the air.

Edward rushed forward and froze in his tracks. "What the fuck?" He stood before his body! Yes, his body! And said "Did you shrink while I was away?"

The small, golden haired boy just stared at Lizzy with wide eyes. "What?"

"Shut up and give me my body back!"

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Umm, yeah.

Oh my gosh! If you want to bring holly jolliness to the world you should like so review!


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